Those of you that suffer with anxiety will understand. I’ve been dealing with it for, I’d say, 15 years maybe. I took Zoloft for 10 or 12 of those. I finally quit taking it because it wasn’t doing much and instead of increasing my dose or trying something different I decided I didn’t want to be dependent on something. I struggled with alcohol after my divorce years ago after being clean for 12 years. It was 2 years sober this past September, which I’m proud of and yes, that in itself helped my anxiety.
I know some of it stems from financial troubles, some from procrastination. Sometimes I worry about things in the future that I have no control of. Unfortunately I’m a worrier. Other times it just seems to come out of nowhere, I just go around with a heavy pressure in my chest. There are days I end up walking around aimlessly in my house knowing there’s things I need to do but I decide it will be better to just lay in bed.
It’s a horrible way to live sometimes. It’s not always like that though, if I’m very busy with work I generally (not always) don’t have those intense feelings. I know there are things that help, yesterday for example, I went on a hike with my 8 year old daughter. Nature in general helps tremendously, almost instantaneously when we step on the trail I get a feeling of calmness. I’m somehow able to leave those worries and focus on my beautiful daughter and how happy she is to be hiking with me. Hearing the birds, the wind through the trees and the sound of the river running beside us. One time in particular I felt as though the wind was pulling my worries out of me and could almost sense them being circulated through the air and then being refreshed as I breathed in fresh air. I can’t always go on a hike though so I just need a way to remember those feelings.
Music is also a big part of my life and as I’ve gotten a little older I find myself reminiscing of my younger days. Reliving those memories while listening to the soundtrack of my life. I can almost always listen to music, which I do.
Most of my anxiety is most likely self inflicted. As I said I procrastinate because the pressure to handle something at times is too much. As always when I take care of it I think to myself, why didn’t I do that much sooner. A lot of times it would have helped a situation.
I’m writing this now just to get these thoughts out. I could probably dive deeper into the ‘craziness’ which is my brain but as of now I’m just doing some “cleaning”by putting those feeling into words. I hear my daughter laughing in her room which just gave me a sweet, warm feeling. So now I must go and give her a hug and be happy I have such a wonderful child that loves me and looks up to me.
Thank you for reading. I’ll be back with some happy positive thoughts, maybe some funny stories to share of those embarrassing and awkward teenage years we all went through. Happy Sunday everyone!